By all means if you are LDS you will get the humor of this list if not… Then that’s another story. But I had to post this list. I found it scrabmling through my e-mails one day. No intend to offend just some good ol’ fashion humor is all.
Here are The Other 13 Articles of Faith:
- We believe that elders should move pianos, washers, dryers, and multiple pound bags of storage wheat through narrow hallways, tight door jams, and at least one flight of stairs.
- We believe that the Relief Society is called to provide meals for the needy. We do not believe that the priesthood cooks for anyone, except at ward camp-out breakfasts and Dutch-oven meals for more expendable deacons.
- We believe in tuna casserole with cream of mushroom soup and potato chip topping, served in a Tupperware dish with a piece of masking tape on the bottom that reads “Jones, “Smith”, or “Johnson.”
- We believe that women should stop having children at 35. (36 is just too many) 5. We believe in worshipping professional sports if the contest
includes: - A. Any athlete who attends BYU (John Beck, Robbie Bosco, Scott Brumfield, Jason Buck, Ty Detmer, Steve Young, Ben Cahoon, Todd Christensen, Kevin Curtis)
B. A church member as a player, coach, or trainer.
C. Inspirational stories (ie. John Elway, Tiger Woods, Cal Ripken,
etc…)
D. Zion’s Army (Utah Jazz)
E. Any game that might affect the playoff positioning of any team in A-D - We believe that drinking caffeinated drinks is not a violation of the Word of Wisdom, as long as they are cold.
- We believe that ward phone lists are good multi-level marketing tools.
- We believe in kicking our boys out of the house at 19 – girls at 21, if they’re not engaged – and sending them to a foriegn country – like Chile, Japan, France, or New Jersey. We believe in sending them dozens of stale cookies and in tricking postal robbers by mailing one shoe at a time.
- We believe that Sunday drives are okay, as long as they’re not on a speedboat or dirt bike.
- We believe in enduring to the end of high counselor’s talks.
- We believe that sleeping on the floor during General Conference is okay; after all, we can read every talk in the conference issue of the Ensign.
- We believe that no meeting of the Relief Society is allowed without tablecloth and centerpiece. We also believe that if the aforementioned meeting does not take place on Sunday; brownies are not optional.
- We believe that the variety with which one creates Jell-o Salads is directly proportional to the level of glory attained after this life.
Telestial: green Jell-o and whipped cream
Terrestreal: green Jell-o + carrot shavings
Celestial: green Jell-o + walnuts + raisins + cashews + cranberries
note: the highest level of the Celestial kingdom can only be attained by those who have used Jell-o molds and have, somewhere throughout the course of their life, used Jell-o as an appetizer, side dish, between meals snack, dessert, and cold-and-flu remedy.
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